Hey world! You think you can hate me more than myself?

And the world thinks they can hate me more than myself. Their belief would be shattered if they saw how i tormented my own soul every night and forced it to smile in the daylight. Only if they saw devil coming kneel down begging mercy for myself and told me to stop.
The world doesn’t know that even after those heinous war crime i commit to myself. I forced myself to smile and forced myself to look energized! even after those tortures.
When my soul begged me for death, begged me to end this all and let him rest in peace, i approached him with a devilish smile and whispered ‘That’s just starting’.
Come on! Tell me world! You think you will be able to hate me this much?
You think you can torture me more than myself? You think you will be able to do those unspeakable things i did to myself? When my soul wanted to embrace death just to escape. I kept my soul on life support and kept tormenting.
I dropped some water into his mouth and then kicked the glass of water in front of him. You think you have the guts to do that?

Sometimes, you felt mercy for me, you took a break from all that hatred. But me? I never took break and never felt mercy toward myself. When somethings to did to me only to show me my place, i took that and blamed it on myself.
I skined my soul alive and rubbed salt on his body, when he screamed in pain i taped his mouth. In a dark room i made a hole from where my soul sees bright light of life and begged me to let him go outside. But instead, i chained him down in that dark-damp room.
Sometimes i would take myself out, showed how beautiful the life is and then gently whispered into my ears that i belong to that dark and damp room not in this bright world. I gave myself so much wounds that i forgot which wound’s pain to take first. And when i realised that, i healed myself and started to give new wounds.
I allowed myself to cry and when i did, i tormented my soul for every tear drops came out of my eyes. I placed my soul two meters away from heaven and chained it down there forever, reminding him every second that he will never get there.
I torture myself from every good thing i did and tortured again for every bad thing i did. I starved my soul for love and when someone offered i made him reject that. When i became numb in pain, i healed all the pains and started the pain game again.

Tell me world! You think you can hate me this much? Will you be able to do what have been doing to myself every night?