I Thought I Knew How to Stay Happy Alone
Since college, I have been alone with no friends left to chat with or travel to an exotic tourist destination. However, having no friends didn’t bother me a lot; I used to visit places alone or with family. I went to see movies alone and with no one else. In the middle of college, I got some friends equivalent to sisters, but they also disowned or forgot me. Still, it didn’t make me feel lonely or sad, thinking I was alone.
And as I started to enjoy my life without friends and see the world without any companions. I Thought I might have mastered the art of ‘Having fun alone’. This is because I observed that I never had any good friends, or the friends I had were busy and didn’t have the time to hang out with me. Time after time, my observations got strong about myself, and I tagged myself as a person who doesn’t need anyone to enjoy a moment. In fact, I didn’t even have a girlfriend! But still, I was happy with everything.
Day after day, I was living with the fact that I did not need anyone and knew how to be happy alone. However, the day came when I had to fly to England for my higher education and leave my small family behind. Then I started to realize that maybe not! I am not a person who knows how to live happily alone and realize that I HAD A FAMILY. I WAS NOT ALONE!
But still! I thought that I didn’t have friends, though, right? Then my university started, and at least one thing I know about myself till now is that I never step down from helping anyone. Also, as I arrived early, I knew much more than many freshers. I started to meet new people from different backgrounds and cultures. I was happy that I was making friends now, and at some point, I really thought that I might have friends! BUT OH BOY! Day after day as I started attending classes and seeing those familiar faces in my university. I realized that, nope! I am still a guy with no friends. The most irritating and sad thing is that although everyone in my class knows me, no one is my friend. Everyone out there is my classmates.
One day I saw a Vietnamese girl in my class. She was nervous and naïve at that time. And as I said, I always try to help people in any situation. So, I gave her a tour of our campus and helped her to solve a scheduling issue. And we were good friends (I thought). However, she said the same as well. After some days, that didn’t seem true to me. Because the girl I helped and said we were good friends started to ignore my face and hang out with people I introduced her to. And at this moment, you guys must be thinking, “ok? This may be the only case with this guy. That’s why he telling this”, right? BUT NO!
Every fcuking time that’s the same case. The boy/girl who was once searching for me because I am their ‘friend’ is now friends with other people. And I had to see their faces while sitting alone in the whole class. That is the time when I realized that no! I am not the guy who has mastered the art of ‘how to enjoy alone’.
But maybe that is the reason why most people hate to go to work, and I love to go to work. Now I understand how ‘The Office US’ character ‘Michael G Scott’ has felt and why he always stays in the office and is enthusiastic about what he does. Maybe I am Michael Scott myself! But just the fact that where I work, I am a subordinate and not a boss, as I am single, whereas Michael Scott wasn’t exactly single.
This was the time I realized that the reason I used enjoy, even if I had no friends because my family was my friend. My best friends were my younger brother and my mother. I didn’t care about friends because I had two friends! MY MOTHER AND MY BROTHER!
But now I am alone! They are not with me, so I am lonely and sad like an average person. Another major factor is money. Whenever I felt alone, I went for a movie or other fun stuff. But in London, just surviving is tough, let alone sightseeing. However, I have the plan to visit Amsterdam. But I am still determining when I can make that plan work. Because as I said, London ain’t cheap!
If someone is reading this, I just want to thank that person because nowadays I do not have someone who would listen to me.
Maybe this is why working in a morgue would be good for me. Because no one would be able to get up and leave, when iam having a chat with them. No one could deny being my friend. But hehehehe! I don’t even have that option.
